No matter how wild and strange it sounds, I have no positive memories from my childhood. It was not like most children. I don’t even have any childhood photos and I don’t know what my relatives look like.
We were a fairly well-off family, living in the Dnipro. But when I was about 4 years old, my dad was killed by bandits. My mother and I moved to a small village. Later, my mother had a second husband. We had a good relationship with my stepfather. He supported me and helped me with my studies.
I don’t know why, but my stepfather started drinking alcohol. It got to the point that one night he cut his veins. It was very scary to watch all this. Mom decided not to see him anymore. Now he lives his life. And to be honest, I don’t know what’s wrong with him.
A robbed apartment awaited us in Dnipro
We moved back to Dnipro. When they entered the apartment, they simply froze in horror. It turns out that we were completely robbed. They took everything, even the furniture.
A very difficult period began in my life with my mother. We collected and handed in waste paper in order to somehow survive. And in the evening they returned to an empty apartment. It felt like we were on the street.
After some time, my mother met a new husband. We also lived with him and spent the night wherever it was necessary. This man provoked his mother to steal. We were detained by the police. I spent the night in the police station for several days, and my mother was imprisoned.
I lived in an orphanage from the age of 8 to 15.
I was sent to an orphanage. With the children, we were all like one big family, standing one behind the other.We had our own unwritten rules. For example, one could not speak ill of someone’s mother. No matter what it was, no matter what the reason for entering the boarding school, no one had the right to insult parents.
The system and values of the orphanage did not contribute to our development. Not to mention learning how to build your own family or some kind of business. It was difficult to have one’s point of view, form an opinion and defend it. I was a very social girl, I liked to communicate. But because of their softness, they easily imposed someone else’s opinion on me and told me how to live.
You couldn’t just cry because it made someone nervous. As a human, you had no right to emotions, self-expression, or support. Because in fact, we had no one to go to for support. Everyone has been in the same situation as you.
Children who had adequate relatives were more fortunate. In addition to transmissions, they could support, help, give life advice or contact a specialist.
If there were no such people, then often everything happened according to the worst scenario. I personally know boarding school graduates who fell into credit pits, started prostitution or used drugs.
There were cases of sexual violence
. Ordinary children also went to our school. This is one of the pluses, because we could see how other children live, learn some experience from them.
One day after class I was sitting at my desk doing my own business. A guy came up to me and tried to put his hand under my skirt. I immediately pushed his hand away sharply and began to defend myself. He took everything lightly and said: “Why don’t you want to try, little one?”. I was not jokingly scared, but I was always adamant about such things.
After some time we were playing some game together, this guy was also there. I accidentally hit him lightly, I’m sure it didn’t even hurt. And he hit me so hard that I flew away. This was his revenge.
And girls are constantly in such situations. Today, the guy gets into your panties, and tomorrow he can hit you. And you never feel tolerance, security, or respect for personal boundaries.
We had no upbringing: boys were not taught how to behave with girls, and girls were not taught how to defend themselves. While the teachers were somewhere there, different things happened in our rooms. It happened that I stood “on the floor” while a guy and a girl had sex. It was worse when girls came pregnant from employees of local construction companies. And it was already serious.
I cannot say that there was any strong physical or moral violence towards me. But, without a doubt, this period left an imprint on my character and psyche.
I had a great desire to help my mother
I had a goal to go to university and find a decent job. I built a regimen for myself. It was difficult, especially when friends invited me to parties, and I sat and studied. There were few people like me in the group. But we supported each other. The teachers didn’t help either. You had to rely only on yourself. I understood that it is now or never.
I was offered to live in a rather rich foster family from France. But I refused, because for me it would be a betrayal of my own mother. She was about to get out of prison and pick me up.
But at one point I felt that she would not come to me again. I even told this to my friends. That’s how it turned out. Mom died before the New Year, when all children are waiting for gifts and holidays. But I was ready.
She graduated from the university with a red diploma
I was adopted at the age of 16. There was a connection between us, I felt that I was comfortable with these people. Now I call them “mom” and “dad”. There is trust and openness between us. I tried not to disappoint them and knew that they do a lot for me.
Thanks to the efforts and support of my parents, I graduated from the university with a red diploma. The boarding school teachers say that this is just an exception. I still keep in touch with them and some friends. It would be good if teachers in orphanages supported and developed children’s talents. And they didn’t say that you can’t do anything.
At the age of 20, I created my family and maintain a very good, strong relationship with my parents. They made me feel like I have a mom and a dad.
After the boarding school, the children realize that they have nothing. And they begin to think that everyone owes them something, especially the state. This will not happen. If you don’t have something, go and get it. No need to complain. It is necessary to learn from the elders and not bend to others.
I wish you to take all resources and opportunities from this world. Because everything depends only on us!
Have willpower!
Natalya
*Name and photo have been changed for security purposes
