My dad was a smuggler. It was the 90s, so it probably wasn’t called that at the time. One day a dispute arose between him and his accomplices. They did not share something and just killed dad.
I learned from my grandmother that I was sent to a boarding school almost immediately. Mom and her new husband moved to Kryvyi Rih, and my brother stayed with my grandmother.
I remember very well my first impression in the orphanage. This is complete confusion. First, I was sent to the isolation ward to take tests and assess my health. After that, I should be assigned to a certain group according to my age. But for some reason they did not know which group to send me to. And so I walked the corridors as a child. I cried because I did not understand where I should go. I went to one group – they told me: “You don’t belong here.” I went into another and heard: “We don’t know who you are. Go away”. I think that from the very beginning the institution was not ready to receive children in an organized manner.
I wanted to understand why I should obey the teachers. But no one explained anything to
me. It was difficult for me to blend into the team. We spent almost all the time with the children, because adults came and went. From time to time the groups were mixed up, the children changed. It was necessary to constantly rub shoulders with the new team, and this is difficult.
Among other children, I tried not to stand out, not to attract attention. The declared self-esteem then had to be answered in front of everyone. Not that I realized it when I was little. It became clear to me by itself.
I didn’t get along with the teachers either. I wanted to understand why I should listen to them. And they didn’t understand me and just told me to do what they said. Educators conducted classes and games for us, filled out some of their manuals. But it was all in vain. Because a child deprived of love simply cannot understand their intentions and share them.
I had to bite out my place under the sun with my fists
The boarding school community is very specific. Here everyone is angry with each other. There are no parents, there is no one to intercede, to wipe a tear. Therefore, each of the children tried to show others their importance. Sometimes you hit, sometimes you get hit yourself. This is a normal situation and simply an integral part of boarding school life.
I still remember the occasional desire to buy something for myself. Some small trinket, gum or sticker. And there was no such possibility. That’s when the inner anger also woke up. Anger at the fact that I have no parents and constantly have to fight with other children for my place under the sun.
On the part of the employees of the institution, they also felt malice, but verbal. They were paid a small salary, they had no interest in our development. It was not about love and respect for us at all. More than once, we have heard from our side that we are all future prostitutes, bandits and will be in prison. Undoubtedly, this did not motivate anyone and it was very unpleasant to hear such a thing.
I would like the boarding system to change
. There were people who tried to be nice to us and show care. But they stayed in the boarding school for a maximum of half a year.
From the book “System Thinking” I remembered an interesting statement: it makes no sense to change individual employees, you need to completely change the entire system. People who get into the system cannot influence it much. And over time, they either adapt to the system or fall out of it. This happened to good workers in our boarding school. At first they had good intentions, they wanted to fight the old methods. But due to the pressure of colleagues and misunderstanding of children, they were fired themselves, or they were fired.
In the last classes of the boarding school, I wanted to earn a little extra during the summer vacation. I found a job through an advertisement, passed an interview. They said to leave from Monday. Told the school administration about it. And they immediately banned it. And why, they did not explain at all. A strange story.
I think it is necessary to change the entire boarding system. But the best thing for a child is a family .
After graduation, I had to learn ordinary household things
. After the 11th grade, I entered the university. I chose one of the economic specialties. But only because he listened to the advice of an acquaintance, but he himself did not understand the labor market at all.
There was no normal career guidance in the boarding school. Outdated methods, outdated information, employees who are not at all interested in children having a successful future. Instead of support, they told us: “Come on, get out.” It makes no sense for you to go somewhere, you will still become nobody.”
But the bigger problem turned out to be that after graduation I was not at all adapted to life outside the boarding school. They prepared food for us, gave us clothes. We didn’t think about where it all comes from. I didn’t even see my documents, I didn’t know how to sign any papers. Only at the age of 14 did he come up with a signature, signed for a passport and that was it.
And at the household level, there were many such problems that no one tried to tell us about.
Do not be afraid to try something new and achieve something
. In life, you will have to work hard to have something and achieve something. But it should be so. What comes easily often leads to something bad. Beware of this.
And more. Do not pay attention to people who say that you will become nobody and achieve nothing in life. Because if you believe them, nothing will really work.
And I believe in myself and I believe in you.
Serhiy
*Name and photo have been changed for security purposes
