My mother never loved my sister and me. Or maybe she just didn’t know how to show her love. She was constantly drinking, not worried about us at all. That’s how we grew up among constant apartment drunkards and surrounded by people who smelled terrible.
Several times we ran away to my grandmother, but she always kicked us out. And one day we were sent to a shelter. Mom gave it herself – it is the most painful. So at the age of 5, I found myself completely alone. First in an orphanage, and then in a boarding school.
The biggest insult to my mother was that she never remembered my birthday. On one of my birthdays, I asked her: “Mom, haven’t you forgotten anything?”. And she told me: “Oh, sure, it’s your birthday! Congratulations!”. I didn’t want any presents. I just wanted my mother to hug me, pet me and say “Congratulations!” But I didn’t remember her ever hugging me and telling me she loved me. I was very offended by this.
Dad wanted to take me home. Only me, because my sister is from another father. But it so happened that dad served time in prison instead of mom. So he had no right to take me from the care facility. He only came to visit me, even though my mother forbade us to see each other. I remember how happy I was when dad came to the boarding school. These are my most pleasant memories from childhood.
I was not ready for an independent life outside the boarding
school. I studied in the boarding school until the 9th grade. Then she entered the sewing lyceum and studied there for 3.5 years. In the second year, my mother was deprived of parental rights and then I became an orphan.
In the first years after the boarding school, it was very difficult. In the beginning, my sister came to me and cooked for me. Then I told myself that I have to study myself and everything will work out. The first attempts were unsuccessful: the onion burned, the pasta boiled, and the buckwheat burned. But over time she learned to cook, she was never hungry. And on weekends, I was given rations from the lyceum.
I was also learning to communicate with others. During the years of living in a boarding school, I got used to a limited circle of people. And at the lyceum, everyone is new: students, teachers. I didn’t know how to start talking to them. I understood that I have to learn to communicate myself, because no one else will teach me. Now there is no such problem and I can calmly get to know each other or support the conversation.
She also learned to use money and plan a budget on her own. The easiest thing was to write a list and buy products according to it. So there was always enough money and I didn’t spend it on reckless purchases.
With a small child in my arms, I did not know what would happen next
During the last semester at the lyceum, I was expecting a daughter. She went to couples classes while pregnant, wrote her thesis herself, and defended it in the eighth month. She gave birth to a daughter in March. She called her Irina. Happy, even though this pregnancy was not planned.
At first I lived with my boyfriend – Irynka’s father. But she had a very difficult relationship with his mother. She treated me badly and was a hypocrite. Unfortunately, the boy supported my mother’s position more than mine. I decided to go. They called me back, but I promised myself that I would not return there again. Of course, it was difficult for me with a small child. I didn’t know what would happen next.
When Iryna was six months old, I moved to the mother and child center. For about a year, we wrote various letters, statements and appeals to get our own housing. Good people helped me find sponsors who paid 30% of the cost of the apartment. The state gave the other 70%.
While I was waiting for an apartment, I had to move to another social center where you can be with older children. I really liked it there. The girls were treated kindly, we were taught how to be a mother and engage in child development. All conditions were created for us, but there were strict rules of conduct. It was necessary to show that you learned something and achieved something. I lived there for half a year, and then I moved to my own apartment.
My own apartment became a new happy page in my life
When I started living in my own apartment, at first I didn’t understand what to do, where to look, how to solve household problems. It was very difficult. I’m used to it now, so it’s easier. I’ve been living here for a year and a half, but I still can’t believe that it’s all mine. I can’t believe that I can wake up peacefully in the morning, no one will kick me out, no one will say anything bad, I don’t have to report to anyone. Sometimes I say to myself: “Well, it’s all yours!”. I smile, take my daughter in my arms and feel happiness.
After some time, Igor and I reconciled. The daughter really wanted to see dad, so I decided to step over my pride. We started living together, but I set him a condition: either you are with us, or you are with my mother. He chose us. Later, our son Maksymko appeared. Children love dad very much.
God revealed to me the gift of motherhood
Once I talked to my neighbor about the children from the boarding school. She would like to have a child, but she is afraid because of her genes. I told her: “You know, Yulia, my mother is an alcoholic, and my grandmother has a bad temper. What a person will be depends not on genes, but on the person himself. If she wants to change, stand on her feet, start a family, she will do everything to not be like her parents.”
I used to dislike children. I thought that I would never have them. When Irynka was born, at first I didn’t even want to go up and take her in my arms. I have never seen how a mother should behave. Maternal feelings did not awaken in me immediately.
I prayed to God that He would give me the understanding and feeling that this is my child.So that I could accept her and be able to feel the full power of a mother’s love. And so it happened. For the sake of Irynka and Maksymko, I am ready to give everything, if only they were healthy by my side. Now I can call myself a happy person. My greatest happiness is something that money cannot buy. This is motherhood.
I wish you to always remain human, no matter what happens. Listen to your heart. And if necessary, do not be afraid to ask for help. And just don’t forget that there are people who love you.
I support everyone. You will succeed!
Marta
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